Look Good & Feel Great

by Jeanne Joe

“Not everyone is looking at you.”

Ironically, I’m the one that came out of high school with a fairly serious romantic relationship. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. I was the independent, outspoken one who didn’t think girls needed boyfriends.

“My self esteem isn’t based on a boyfriend,” I’d argue.

“Yeah,” my friends would reply, “well you have a boyfriend now, don’t you, so you don’t have this problem anymore.”

Okay, so yes, I admit I’m one of those awful creatures hated by all – a girl who actually has a boyfriend. I know, go ahead and hate me. But I’m still a girl. Long before I had a boyfriend, I had “this problem” that my friend was talking about: not just a self-esteem problem, but envy.

You know what I’m talking about when I say envy. I’d look at certain people I admired and I’d covet what they had. If I knew someone who was happily married, I’d covet that happiness. If I knew someone who did better on a test, I’d covet their score. Even I – that girl with a boyfriend and “no problems” – have my moments of doubt, when I see someone I admire or something I want.

Ladies, believe it or not, a boyfriend is not the cure for that gnawing discontent many of us feel in our inmost core. I’ve been in this wonderful relationship for three years now and I am still tempted to compare myself with others and want what they have, finding fault at my shortcomings or agonizing over something I feel I lack. I’m not a tall skinny blonde like my best friend Kirsten. I’m not a famous actress (yet). I wasn’t valedictorian of my class.

It’s easy, sometimes, to feel like I should be more like that picture-perfect, high-standard image I have in my head of what the “perfect” me should be. When I feel like that, I have to stop myself and ask what I’m comparing myself to. Really, the only standard I should care about is God’s. That is the ideal.

Do you ever imagine other people are looking at you, sizing you up, judging you and saying, “Oh, you’re not good enough?” Do you ever worry that other people are comparing you to some impossibly high standard?

Guess what? They’re not! That’s right: not everyone is looking at you. They’re all busy worrying that you’re judging them! It’s all in our own heads. When I’m comparing myself to someone else, they’re busy comparing themselves to me, and probably feeling inadequate!

There are some real issues at the bottom of self-esteem problems. None of us are complete without God, and we’ll never be perfect. It’s easy to forget that the discontent I can feel with myself stems from a basic need for God’s fullness to complete my life.

The problems of self esteem so many of us grapple with can be solved only with God’s help. One of my favorite songs has a line that says, “keep your eyes on the creator, and not on his creation.” Instead of comparing myself to others, I try to compare myself to what God wants me to be – and God’s standards don’t usually involve my clothes, but rather my integrity.

What if the next time you feel yourself envying another person’s body, boyfriend, or accomplishments, you try this little trick: say a quick prayer! One like this often helps me: “God, I don’t know why I feel this way. In the end, I know things of this world aren’t as important as you, and nothing I could want here mattes as much as you. Help me to desire you instead of desiring that.”

The bottom line is, even if I was a size 4 I’d probably wish I were a size 2 – or 10. I’m never satisfied on my own. Only God can satisfy us, and allow us to truly be beautiful in our own skins. Let’s do ourselves a favor, and instead of looking for our faults, look for evidence of God’s work in our lives.

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